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February 29, 2012


When I was a kid I had a cassette tape of Bill Cosby Is A Very Funny Fellow…Right! and listened to the Noah skits about a hundred bajillion times. Ever since then, any time Noah is mentioned I can only imagine him as manic and perpetually terrified that God is going to sneak up on him again. Sort of like one of those overbred and underfed miniature chihuahuas that shit themselves at the sound of a vacuum cleaner.

I’ve also always pictured Abraham as the most gullible person to ever exist (mostly because it’s easier than thinking he was just a complete bastard). I imagine Abraham’s friends telling him things like “hey dude, I just talked to God and he wanted me to tell you to eat this pile of rocks, OK?” And Abraham would just do it rather than risk offending his deity, no matter how crazy it was. The only way the guy could have lived to be 175 years old (according to Genesis) is if someone told him Death was on vacation for about 90 years and Abraham was just too gullible to die.